


Deathwish

by DesireeArmfeldt



Category: due South
Genre: Community: ds_snippets | dsc6dsnippets, Depression, Episode Related, F/M, POV Third Person Limited, Prompt Fic, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7933498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesireeArmfeldt/pseuds/DesireeArmfeldt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser doesn't have a deathwish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deathwish

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Missing Piece](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7933492) by [DesireeArmfeldt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesireeArmfeldt/pseuds/DesireeArmfeldt). 



> Originally written for the prompt: "And when I chose to live, there was no joy, it’s just a line I crossed/It wasn’t worth the pain my death would cost,/So I was not lost or found” at [ds-snippets.](http://ds-nsippets.livejournal.com). I wrote a companion piece from RayV's point of view, but it got too large to be a snippet, so I posted it over at [fan_flashworks](http://fan-flashworks.livejournal.com) instead.

Throughout his life, people have, with some regularity, accused Fraser of having a deathwish.  Few, if any of them, have meant it literally.  What they mean is, he’s reckless, he takes foolish risks, he has too little regard for his own safety.  He worries them.  All of which is true enough.  
  
He is willing to risk his life in ways, and for reasons, that most other people are not.  He doesn’t mind danger—all right, to be perfectly frank, he enjoys it.  He doesn’t mind the idea of sacrificing his life for a worthy cause, if it came to that.  But that’s a very different thing from holding his life cheap.  
  
He’s always enjoyed living; enjoyed life.  He used to think that he enjoys it more than most people, who seem to spend much of their time ignoring their surroundings, their fellow human beings, the details of each moment as it passes.  He’s generally looked forward to waking up in the morning.  
  
Only once in his life has he actually wished to die.  
  
On his back on cold concrete, shivering as the shock set in, as the pain spread sickly through him, poetry stuttered from his lips, but all he could think was _This is what I deserve.  This is what I need._  
  
But he didn’t die, and that was. . .hard.  
  
Waking up in the morning was hard.  Talking was hard, listening was hard.  Caring was hard.  
  
And now. . .now he talks and listens; walks and runs and jumps; saves lives and stops crimes; smiles at children and acts of justice and Diefenbaker and Ray; and learns and lives.  
  
And it’s still hard.  But he does it, because he doesn’t know what else to do.  


**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Missing Piece](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7933492) by [DesireeArmfeldt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesireeArmfeldt/pseuds/DesireeArmfeldt)




End file.
